When a co-worker experiences the death of a loved one it can be tough to know exactly what to say or do. You may feel uncomfortable, awkward, afraid of intruding or worried that you will say something to make them feel worse. Here are a few helpful things to say and do as well as a few tips for things to avoid.

Helpful Things to Say and Do:

• Acknowledge the death and do not be afraid to use the word "died." This shows that you are more open to talk about how the person really feels. For example, you could say “I’m sorry to hear that your ____ died.”
• Listen and offer your support, but do not try to force someone to talk if they are not ready.
• Attend the funeral or make an effort to extend personal condolences. Consider sending a condolence note. 
• Do not hide your feelings or be afraid to be honest. For example you could tell them "I'm not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care."
• Continue your support and contact; keep in touch by inviting your co-worker to lunch or coffee.
• Offer to help with practical matters around the workplace when appropriate.

Comments to Avoid:

• "I know how you feel." You can never really know exactly  how another person in grieving so avoid comparing co-workers situation to your own or anyone else’s.
• "Call if you need anything." They aren't going to call. It is much better to offer something concrete, such as: "I have two free hours and I want to come over and vacuum your house or work on your lawn."
• Avoid telling the person "You're so strong." This puts pressure on the person to hide their feelings in order to continue appearing strong.
• "They are in a better place now" Do not assume you hold the same beliefs, the bereaved may or may not believe this.
• Do not use clichés such as “Time heals all wounds” or “Try to remember the good times.”

Depending on the loss and the individual, some people have a harder time grieving than others. Encourage the grieving person to seek help (help available through Occupational Health and Wellness) if you observe any of the following warning signs after the initial grieving period–especially if it’s been over two months since the death.

• Excessive tiredness, irritability, or mood swings
• Neglecting personal hygiene
• Difficulty accomplishing common daily tasks
• Inability to enjoy life
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Talk of suicide
• Withdrawing from others
• Constant feelings of hopelessness